evolution

Words with Friends!

Angry Words

Angry Ass Words

Angry words with former friends

Angry words with boss

Angry words with former employees

Angry words with cellmates

actual craigslist ad

iPad 64 Gb + WiFi w/Apple Case - $525

Didn't really use this iPAD at all, because I have a laptop and an EVO. The iPAD never left its leather case. It was babied, wash with imported silk napkins and unicorn Tears! This iPAD was touched by Steve Jobs himself. Some nights it floats around the room, and gives me positive affirmations! That being said, "DO NOT TRY TO LOW BALL ME!!!"

actual documentation

30. When presented with the option to press any key to enter the menu, press the "Any Key"

What does he get down on

Boss: I don't get down on wizards and witches and dragons and shit like that.

I can has

Cattiva: i like that i've been seeing professional use of interwebs, haz
KingM: o teh lulz
Cattiva: i got an email this morning from a philanthropic group who said they got an award for "Texans who use technology and the Interwebs for the greater good"
KingM: I like it when the cat is in a position to send out press releases
Cattiva: and then they nerded on... "Yes, that's two awards in 24 hours. It's not #tigersblood, but it's pretty cool"
KingM: GARRARR with the hashtags

island tragedies

Light blogging right now - the Island is currently beset by 2 tragedies:

01) 50% of the island dwellers are trying to quit smoking. It is gettin' stabby around here.

02) Dolly for Sue got moved off the Island which has happened perhaps at the worst possible time (see 01 above) though in truth, there was never going to be a good time to lose Dolly.

We'll try to get our mojo back relatively soon but for now... it is me or is it super hot around here?

nomenclature

‪KingM: ‬ ‪anyway Sophia or Madeleine is fine‬
‪Cattiva: ‬Emma
‪KingM: ‬ ‪Emma's fine but not as good as the above‬
‪Cattiva: ‬ ‪true‬
Cattiva: ok, i think we've jinxed ourselves to just boys, better stop
‪KingM: ‬ ‪Earnhardt Space Shuttle AK47 Rodeo Luminoc Corvette Jr‬!
‪Cattiva: ‬ ‪Μαρία ἡ Μαγδαληνή is your homework done?!‬
Cattiva: Jr.?
‪KingM: ‬ ‪HELL YEAH so they think my name is that awesome‬

shame based behavior mods

Massive reduction for day 2 really.

per piloti giapponese

A little levity as we keep the Japanese people in our thoughts.

1962 Honda Rider's Manual

1. At the rise of the hand by Policeman, stop rapidly. Do not pass him by or otherwise disrespect him.

2. When a passenger of the foot, hooves in sight, tootel the horn trumpet melodiously at first. If he still obstacles your passage, tootel him with vigor and express by word of mouth, warning Hi, Hi.

3. Beware of the wandering horse that he shall not take fright as you pass him. Do not explode the exhaust box at him. Go soothingly by.

4. Give big space to the festive dog that makes sport in roadway. Avoid entanglement of dog with wheel spokes.

5. Go soothingly on the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon! Press the brake foot as you roll around the corners, and save the collapse and tie up.

Overheard

RandomFemale: I have an arsenal in my drawers!

tales of ye olde formere workplace

KingM: (blah blah blah such and such needs fixing, broken this broken that)
CIO: Yeah, that's probably right.
KingM: ???
CIO: Just document it and don't get so worried about it.
KingM: well ok, I'll give that a shot.
CIO: once you learn to stop caring, you'll be ready for management.

TMI

A: I only saw the big list of everything and the two bundles.
B: Oh,then you were early.
A: Heh. Story of my life.
B: Going forward you will only see the two bundles. I'll keep that last to myself.

simplified

pixture pages

How to relieve stress

Friend-Face post: I feel terribly stressed, and violent today. I just want to destroy something. Not sure why.
Reply: Kiss your daughter and wife tonight after laying waste to a server room with an axe and a bag of sausages.

Overheard

Somebody: WOAH! Hey, its really nice to turn around a get a face-full of your ass.
otherbody: You're welcome!

How to speak Southern

Water == Werter

well, it did

ContractorGuy: hey I heard you were running around servicing hot chicks.
SpottedE: (giggles rather hysterically)
SpottedE: oops... I didn't mean for that to come out

OWZ!

http://tinyurl.com/49ldnyd
yes is safe for work

How to speak Southern

Swipe == Swap

needs moar kryptonite

KingM: SpottedE halp
KingM: http://store.apple.com/us/product/FB293LL/A?afid=p201|552179
KingM: 32gb
KingM: haaaalp
SpottedE: /add to cart
KingM: ggaaaaaahhhhhhhh
SpottedE: Free shipping
KingM: oww my moneys

open the pod bay doors

Computer: do you want to unlock or duplicate this document?
KingM: actually all I wanted to do was update it...

Oh the lulz...

User: Which end of the USB cable do I plug into the phone?
Charlie: Really?
User: Yes
Charlie: Um. The small end sir.

Overheard

Charlie: (making the itchy stabby-hand motion)
Third party: "What are you playing... Rock, Paper, Retard?!"

Overheard

Charlie to a third party: "... At least I know when to stay away from them!"
Boss (entering the area): "What!? Little Girls?!"

alternatives

KingM: the stupid that he's asked to do is so concentrated that it makes my eyes water sometimes
Cattiva: i would turn to jelly making too

about 10 minutes

I thought that "ergonomic keyboard" test was going to provide me with a full day of cursing and other assorted lulz from Charlie. Nope... he didn't even make it past my first cup of coffee.

fling

KingM: http://comscore.com/Press_Events/Press_Releases/2011/3/comScore_Reports_January_2011_U.S._Mobile_Subscriber_Market_Share
KingM: this probably explains why Apple wants to create a newer cheaper iOS phone
KingM: also in terms of hardware, its Samsung, LG, Mot, RIM, and then Apple. So, how's that closed source thing working out for you?
Charlie: they don't think in any way, shape or form "open source". now they are starting to pay for it.
KingM: if they get it wrong, they're going to end up back on Apple Island
Charlie: there is already a rope bridge leading there
KingM: more like a trebuchet ready to fling them back. Rope bridges are two-way

don't rush

KingM: so I'm running a beta OS, and also Firefox 4 beta
KingM: and I'm having wicked video artifacting.
KingM: I thought it was the OS
KingM: but noooo
KingM: Firefox.
Cattiva: beta+beta=crappa
KingM: that's my fraternity
Cattiva: better make it coed
KingM: hopefully there won't be any new pledges.

but... freecell...

Mostly true, but UNIX is more like this cartoon.

functionality

priorities

Charlie: Egypt has Facebook again.
Dolly: I'll sleep better now

S16

Dolly: I have a meeting with (a certain department)
KingM: oh yeah, that'll be a Mac party
Dolly: oh that's right, its your heaven!
KingM: well, it is an afterlife of some kind...

Overheard

someone: No! Stop that! Leave it alone! It will come out when its ready!

never mind

KingM:(washes coffee mug in coffee area)
SomeGirl: oh were you going to get some coffee?
KingM: no, go ahead. We make our own over on the Island.
SomeGirl: oh, I bet that's good. I saw some guy with a french press...
KingM: Yeah! That's pretty c...
SomeGirl: I mean, like, what a SHOW OFF

Weekend edition

My favorite Penny Arcade comic of all time: I hope you like text.

66.66 repeating

SpottedE: I'm going to make these machines triple boot.
KingM: that way, you can guarantee that users will hate 66% of what's on there.

Say what?

Overheard...."this reminds me of a petri dish"

scarlet letter

SpottedE: should I put an Apple sticker on it?
KingM: that marks it as "hateable" by the entire third floor, so go ahead.

I can has!

Boss: my cat can outdrink you.

watch your fingers

KingM: I wrote "no bfd" in chat to my bosses' boss
KingM: and she's like "bfd?"
KingM: and I'm like uuuuhhhhhhh
Cattiva: o
KingM: yeah it was like my fingers just did it on their own and there I was, holdin' the bag

Down the memory hole...

KingM: I should blog about this
Charlie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KingM: Step One, remove Charlie's admin rights
KingM: Step Two, BLOG!
Charlie: I WILL hack the mainframe

Holy

Boss: You can't be Facebookin' in church!
Boss: Why would you even go to church if you're Facebookin'?

inadequate

Dolly: complete with ak-47 http://holycrapthatsfunny.com/tag/god-almighty/
KingM: that is SO WRONG
KingM: God would use a Barrett .50 at bare minimum

shields

Charlie: DAMN IT APPLE!
KingM: What did they AND NOT ME do now?

mashups

KingM: also, plz to photochop Worferine
KingM: with mini Bat'leths coming out of the top of his hand
Matt: hahahahahaha
Matt: oh lord
Matt: let me write that down
Matt: might do that this weekend
KingM: sn'ikt!

I pizassed

LunchLady: do you want slaw and a brownie with that?
KingM: sure!
LunchLady: it's a tiny brownie, its just kind of a tease.
KingM: story of my life.
LunchLady: you sound like my husband!
KingM: *COUGHCOUGHCOUGH*

Overheard

Someone nearby to another person nearby: "... depends on how intelligent you feel."
Boss: "I TOLD you guys, we get a tax break for employing him!"

mobili-tea

Dolly: I'm southern so I mumble sometimes.
KingM: I think I'm going to start a new phone carrier. "Tea-Mumble"
Dolly: make sure "Tea" has two syllables!
KingM: unlimited "hey's!"
Dolly: unlimited "how-yews!"
KingM: your choice of NASCAR driver theme.

to dissuade a vegan

Boss: Bacon sweat!
all: EWWWWW
Boss: now is that from bacon sitting out on the counter?
Boss: or perspiration after you eat bacon?

do the math

Charlie: The Chicago school system says that the iPad has increased their student's math scores by 70%
KingM: you're going to get large improvements when you get the students to finally do math AT ALL

indeed

corrected

KingM: I tried to type "for the lulz" but the Mac decided it was "for the lull" and autocorrected without prompting.

SpottedE: this is good, because now, most people who use Macs will be able to type in English.

KingM: ...

Timing

SpottedE: (hideously important high level computer concepts)

KingM: hold on a sec, my experimental OS is borked and my boss is trying to hit me up in chat

SpottedE: (more incredibly important and awesome concepts)

KingM: why do you want to talk about awesome stuff RIGHT NOW?

moar bagelgate

Cattiva: laptop bag bagel so goes above dirty trashcan bagel.
KingM: you haven't seen these people's laptop bags.
Cattiva: i would eat a bagel from mine, but not a dirty trashcan
KingM: you have a much better idea of basic hygiene. I work in a UNIX factory.

Spotted Elephant's next project

Sanitation

Charlie: did I tell you the bathroom story?
KingM: I don't think so
Charlie: so I went to the bathroom and there was this other dude in there
Charlie: and he was done so he went to the sink
Charlie: and he cupped his hand under the faucet
Charlie: AND DRANK FROM HIS HAND
Charlie: then he washed it
KingM: o yeah you did tell me. I blocked that story out of my mind

bagelgate

Cattiva: was his desk full?
Cattiva: i don't care that i can't make an excuse for him anymore
Cattiva: full desk or not, i cannot argue his case
Cattiva: FLOOR: NOT A FOOD STORAGE TOOL

pizassing it around

D-person: Here is that ticket for printing issues.
G-person: yea, pass it to me.
D-person: Pizassed.
G-person: haha that looks so wrong.
...
Me: D-Person, no pizassing near me... okay?
A-person: SHAAAAZAM!

Timely

Hey, we're in a commercial!

Overheard

"_____ is a douche, OF COURSE he requested a Mac!"

Moar bagel

SpottedE: "He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel."
SpottedE: wonder if it was a CARPET Bagel

Observation

I would shop more at Target if they sold ammo.

Overheard

"Once they took Charlie Sheen's kids away, I figured it was OK to subscribe to his Twitter feed." - Dolly

Request

"I need a Mac to compose email."

Ooo, well, that does sound business critical.

Overheard

"... submitted a ticket about some problems with their external monitor no longer working. I went down there and... Apparently her laptop dock was stolen off her desk."

Decisions

The bagel on the floor looked reasonably fresh and somewhat delicious... except for that whole "on the floor" thing.

However, the Island is torn regarding nomenclature.

Is this a "floor bagel" or a "carpet bagel?"

I'm all for the former, but there is a contingent for the latter...

Overheard

Dolly: I can't see him so I can't remember his name. He's like a disembodied voice that makes coffee
KingM: Sounds like husband material