This popcicle stand?

Boss: Any problem if I finish up these laptops and blow this joint?
Boss' Boss: I don't care what you blow.

lunch time!

KingM: Fish eyes and glue!
Евгени: ??????
KingM: Tapioca pudding, dude.
SpottedE: (points to food) This is called "Golden Sorce Steak." Its where they keep their gristle.
Евгени: Golden Source? Is that like Golden Release?
KingM: You should do a Google Image search for "Golden Release."
SpottedE: What has been seen... cannot be unseen. Евгени, have you heard of "pickle party?"
KingM: Noooooooooooooo!!!
Евгени: Is that like "Lemon Party?" Or maybe a fruit party. When I was in college we had "Salad Parties" at work.
KingM: ...

The Deez

Boss: (walks in wearing sunglasses)
Merdeezy: Wearin' sunglasses indoors! Why, 'cause the sun never sets on a badass?
KingM: hey, where are your Croakies?
Merdeezy: I have some extra Croakies in my purse if you need them!
KingM: You have loaner Croakies?

Special Guest Blogger tomorrow...

Merdeezy will be on the Island tomorrow for some regularly scheduled maintenance.


on her laptop.

Army of One?

in a chat concerning an upcoming project:
[ME]: I didnt see my name on the list of "owners" ;)
[HIM]: look under leads
[ME]: oh yea. lookie there
[HIM]: wow, your a leader. congrats
* ME looks around for his minions and is disgusted to find nothing by laptops staring back at him.

KingM (To SpottedE): If there is a bright center to the universe... You are using the Operating System its farthest from.

modern life

Overheard - "I just completed my first e-commerce transaction from the bathroom!"

czechered past

KingM: Go find some cheap beer.
Boss: beer and go karts tonight!
KingM: NICE
Boss: and over here they let you drink before you drive!
Boss: not like those assholes in garner
KingM: LOLOLOL
KingM: damn, all you need are some guns and rock and roll and you're good to go!
Boss: what about prostitutes
KingM: you're close enough to Russia that they should be reasonably priced, so hell yeah!
KingM: I mean, someone has to hold your beer when you're shooting

hurkk

Observation: you really haven't lived until you have gotten nauseous from the floor rhythmically bouncing underneath you for hours at a time.

Some days its so bad my monitor sways. Its like those old small wrestling rings where the floor flexes generously under the weight of the wrestlers.

So who do I have to hammerlock to get it to stop?

hallways

SomeLady: (sees me in hall, changes direction, heads straight for me)
SomeLady: Hey! I... oh...
KingM: yes?
SomeLady: Oh, I thought you were on my team. There's this guy who looks just like you!
SomeLady: ... and I had no idea why he'd be on this floor!
KingM: no problem. Heck, I've been told I look alike!
SomeLady: ...

Questionable Priorities

Boss (seen plugging an ipad in to charge)
SpottedE: W.T.F. is that!!??
Boss: Its an iPad
SpottedE: Wow! I hate to say it but my respect for you just plummeted.
Boss: Yea, well... My love of the Masters trumps my hatred of Apple.

tradition

KingMom: Your dad has already caught some fish up at the lake!
KingM: Well good.
KingMom: Yep, they're frying them up for breakfast today.
KingM: OH GOD!
KingMom: The tradition* is still alive!


*the Dad-side family tradition of frying fish in corn meal at 5:30 AM for breakfast. You wake up to that smell? Instant nausea.

wrong, what could possibly go

KingM: If they keep it up I'm going to find a way to do a burnout in the hallway.
SpottedE: You'd probably fling chunks of carpet everywhere...
KingM: True. I'd better not, it really isn't broken in yet.
KingM: (thinks)
KingM: But you know, I could park it right there. (points to Dolly's former cube)
SpottedM: you think?
KingM: It's pretty small.
SpottedE: I don't remember seeing any "no motorcycles" stickers out front. And I don't think there's any written policy against it.
KingM: we do have a freight elevator, too.
SpottedE: (breaks out tape measure)

huckleberry

KingM: aww c'mon you should just buy yourself an iPad.
Boss: in the words of Doc Holliday:
Boss: "my hypocrisy only goes so far."

Actual advertisement from Best Buy (recently removed)

Pointless conversations...

Charlie: I didn't realize that Cynthia Rhodes was married to Richard Marx.
Anonymous: Who's he?
Charlie: A singer from the 80's.
Anonymous: OH! I didn't realize he was a singer too.
Charlie: Too?
Anonymous: Yeah, I thought he was a preacher.
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Anonymous: Malcolm X was a preacher.
Charlie: ...

luck, pushing

Cattiva: they're just going to splint it. if it is a fracture, it's hairline. she didn't fall or anything, just trying to break cats up and it hyperextended back
KingM: Doctor: "we call this CCLW."
KingM: crazy cat lady wrist
Cattiva: ha
Cattiva: i am never cutting cat "fingertoes"
Cattiva: the adidas won't be grass-cutting shoes because I don't cut grass either.
KingM: I don't expect milkmaids to cut the grass
Cattiva: we are not getting a cow
KingM: I know right? because "a cow" is singular

Twinkie

[3:16pm] switchy: birdie, issue with twinkle
[3:16pm] satchmo: I really read that as issue with twinkies
[3:17pm] switchy: satchmo, now i want one
[3:17pm] satchmo: its probably good there arent free ones in the break room
[3:17pm] switchy: omg i would sooooo fat
[3:17pm] switchy: would be*
[3:17pm] satchmo: even though I did see someone taking a bag full of granola bars one time in a rolly bookbag once
[3:18pm] satchmo: *sigh*
[3:18pm] peptobysmal: you're awful
[3:18pm] charliebox: satchmo, go play with your panda
[3:18pm] satchmo: lol dammit charliebox
[3:18pm] charliebox: lmao
[3:19pm] switchy: wow, i thought i was bad by going to the basket picking all the twix
[3:19pm] peptobysmal: switchy, THATS YOU?!?!?!
[3:19pm] peptobysmal: ITS OVER